in memory of Christiane Cassel, d. 1979
Nobody ever wants death: it is
an end to wanting; nothing more
to hold. On the dark floor
nothing will be satisfied.
Nobody wants death I thought
but you did and you got it secretly
settling your affairs from the ward.
Then cunning and deceit obtained
your last release. On the dark floor
everything has been resolved.
Nothing was resolved. This
is where ghosts come from
and you haunt me. Living,
I stay where you wouldn’t:
on the dark floor, wrestling turgid air.
Everyone wants death profoundly
needing their release from hurt
and all the wanting:
the dark floor takes it all.
The heart longs to give it,
longs for the life beyond death
no wrestling on the floor,
itself released and with it everything
in place, unconquered.