Come to Teesside Where the weather is fine And the women look great Through a wall of wine. We’ll drink in the pub (There’s nowt else to do) And blame I C I For spoiling the view. Come to Teesside When you leave school behind Get a job and get married You’ll find kids to mind. Take your wife to the pub Not counting the years And watch her grow fatter Each time Janus stirs Escape from Teesside Not easy you say. Rejected by UCCA Find some other way. A job down in London It’s too far to go The traffic in Teesside’s Incredibly slow.