Come to Teesside

Come to Teesside
   Where the weather is fine
And the women look great
   Through a wall of wine.
We’ll drink in the pub
   (There’s nowt else to do)
And blame I C I
   For spoiling the view.

Come to Teesside
   When you leave school behind
Get a job and get married
   You’ll find kids to mind.
Take your wife to the pub
   Not counting the years
And watch her grow fatter
   Each time Janus stirs

Escape from Teesside
   Not easy you say.
Rejected by UCCA
   Find some other way.
A job down in London
   It’s too far to go
The traffic in Teesside’s
   Incredibly slow.